Connecting with others is so intrinsic to our nature as human beings that it can be understood as essential to the success and survival of our species. Managing this powerful dimension of our existence profoundly impacts our effectiveness as physicians. Connectedness is where self–awareness meets other- awareness. Here lies our ability to understand, relate, and respond to others. So, let’s quickly dive into what connection is all about.
As physicians, we spend much time and energy in the space between ourselves and others (patients, colleagues, supervisors, etc.). And, again, how we manage what happens in this space has a lot to do with the potential for fulfillment as physicians.
Optimal management of connections requires a strong sense of “other-awareness,” enabling us to understand and interact effectively. It involves the ability to discern their underlying motivations, feelings, and behavior through reading their reactions and empathizing with them. A suitable “connector” can recognize differences between people and react appropriately to their needs by being sensitive to their moods and open to multiple viewpoints.
It is at the connection where empathy operates. We are not talking about empathy as a soft emotional skill where we take on the emotions of others. Empathy is also a tool that helps us “stand in the shoes of others” so that we can know more about what they feel, fear, hope for, and believe. Identifying, comprehending, and respecting how other people feel allows us to guide our behavior accordingly. While both maintaining a bond and providing valuable information, empathy can go a long way toward helping us effectively meet our goals in conjunction with others.
Connecting Self with Other
Self–awareness plays a fundamental role in managing connections with others. One of the most powerful ways to learn what others are feeling is by examining how they make us feel. The better we understand our emotional underpinnings, the better we can use our reactions as information on the feelings of others. This can guide us in our response so long as we process our emotions before we react. Managing the interplay between our thoughts, feelings, and behavior allows us to guide the synergism with the other person toward a positive endpoint.
How to Improve Our Ability to Connect
Some basic ways of addressing connection include implementing a system that helps us to regularly keep in touch with important people in our lives even when our workflow does not demand it. Another is to commit to meeting a new person each week.
Practice identifying other’s emotional states by monitoring what they say and how they interact with others in various situations. You might ask how they feel to test and learn from your assumptions. This feedback will, in turn, add to your self–awareness.
Likewise, you can ask others for honest feedback about how you interact with them. Accepting the negative along with the positive will both widen your connection with them as well as fuel your self–awareness. Journaling can help you examine your connect ability. One suggestion is to identify the type of interaction that causes discomfort and explore behavioral responses for better experiences and results.
Active Listening
Perhaps the most powerful tool for strengthening connections is active listening. This is important for all physicians, especially physician leaders. Practice listening with genuine interest using your ears, eyes, and body. Display 100% focus, suspend prejudgment, and do not interrupt.
Closing the loop is essential to active listening. Give the person feedback on their message and an open and genuine response. Active listening goes a long way to expanding the synergy of your connections but also adds to your self–awareness.
